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Showing posts from January, 2009

Nuffnang

Blogger United

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I am gonna share with you guys this site. It's named Blogger United or more commonly known as BU. OkOk I will just cut the crap and go straight to the point or I will end up writing an essay over it. I am supposed to put up this post up yesterday if not for the rain which left me soaking wet down to the underwear. I had to run to avoid getting more wet (proven by mythbusters) and end up having a cramp feet. Then blogspot had been giving me trouble to upload pictures.

Having a cramp isn't good you know. No I am not talking about the once a month cramp here you hamsap fellas. Having the cramp is already bad. Needing to stand all the way in KTM and climb over a gate with that cramped leg does it no better good. So I think I hurt the muscle and hopefully it's not a muscle tear. It's still bloody painfull that I am wearing sports show to work today which looks odd.

So what's about BU? Well. It's been some time where I am part of this blogger social network site(about …

Do you love women? Funny reads

Note :- This post is written with permission from my friend. I found it funny but at the same time felt sorry for my friend. So this is post is dedicated to you(not going to mention the name here). Cheer up man. No matter what happens, better days are yet to come.

My friend called me out for lunch in the office last week and he bought 2 cans of beer and a bottle of vodka. He very well know I don't drink so he finished it. I felt there must be something wrong and asked him about it. (come on. if I still don't know something is wrong with him when he start to down the whole bottle then there must be something wrong with me right?)

Me : Wow! you must have had a really bad day. Drink less la. If not later how to drive?
Him : Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay.

The next day he called again and bought the same drinks.

I asked him what the problem was that day and he answered back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

Today he came over …

New type of Jigsaw Puzzle..Wuahahaha

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Note : - I edited this story from the joke my friend sent me. Hope it will be funnier after the editing.

Ah Beng gets a phone call from Ah Lian(Biawak Mui).
"Beng ah," says Biawak Mui, "I got big big big problem le."
"What problem?" replies Beng
"I buy jigsaw puzzle from supermarket and it's too hard for me le. None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges. Now I cannot sleep liao because I can't finish this puzzle. Can help or not?"
"What picture lai de?" asks Beng
"It's a picture of a big chicken," Biawak Mui replies.
Beng says, "Okla, Biawak Mui, I come over now and try help you see can or not la. I don't want you ask me for medication money because you cannot sleep later"
He gets to Biawak Mui's house and Biawak Mui opens the door.
"Oh thanks for coming Beng." She leads Beng into the kitchen and shows him the Jigsaw Puzzle on the kitchen table.
Beng looks at the Jigsaw Puzzl…

Doctors Visit. I am pregnant!!! WTF??

Lol. I wonder how many idiots will fall for this when I say I am pregnant. For goodness sake if guys can go pregnant, I dread to think what will happen to this world.

Was at the hospital doing my mandatory service hours a while ago and the topic title is what I heard a woman speaking over the phone to whoever is on the other line and then the following conversation is heard next to the room.

Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry too.
"Why are you crying then?" I asked.
"I'm here for a urine test."

Wuahahaha. Later sure be willieless boy liao

I nearly choked on my milo on this one

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Warning: Do not hold your beverages or even worse, drink them while reading this blog. I wouldn't be responsible if you choke yourself to death over your tau fu fah while reading my blog.

I was drinking my milo in office when I receive this from a friend. My monitor nearly become the victim of milo spray. The story(retold in my own new words) is what nearly killed my monitor and covered the girl in front of me with milo.

A police forensic officer in charge homicide case arrive at a scene of what appears to be a suicide scene. 3 beautiful lady apparently jumped from the top of this very high building. Upon checking on then, the officer realized that one of them is still breathing.

He went over asd asked "Why would such a beautiful lady like you 3 would want to commit suicide anyway?"

The lady answered

"We were trying out our maxi pad with wings"



To the ladies out there, don't wack me for this ok? I am just sharing what my friend send me.

Aisehman. Kena award tag pula!!!

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Usually I don't tag others to avoid getting tagged back. It's just like chain letters. So I am gonna minimize the damage. So here goes..



I received this award from BIAWAK. It’s the Proximidade award with this message attached to it :
This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.


so I am giving this award to the 8 very fortunate unfortunate blogger as follow:-

biawak(They never say you can't send this favor back to the sender right?)
lipas(The one who started this)
3.8 inci(Sharing is caring right?)
BL Joe(Nola not GI Joe la)
C…

The four basic types of chain letters

Since swift(Yes. The half half) brought up the story about how annoying can chain letters be, here is something interesting. I have come to a conclusion that there are 4 major types of chain letters.

Chain Letter Type 1:







Make a wish please!!!














Really, go on and make one now la!!!















Oh please,she/he'll never go out with you so stop dreaming!!!



















wish something else!!!
















Not that, you pervert!!














Is your finger getting tired yet?














STOP, DAMMIT!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of poo. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! I put a curse on this email and it's transferred to you.

Really!!! Here's how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them …

Fuck!ng Stressed!

Warning: Vulgarity ahead! Proceed at your own risk

This post is hidden. For those who had known me well would know how to view this page.

Seriously I just need somewhere to vent all my anger, stress or rants if you want to call it. I need to let go of some of the things I have been keeping or else I will explode. Eversince the year started, things had been in such a rough patch for me. Yes for fucking sake, it's only the 13th which means I had 13 days of my freaking life stressed out.

Life generally hadn't been well. I have been worried sick about my exams result that I rarely get a good night sleep and I am so freaking tired most of the time that I felt like collapsing. The stress itself is eating me inside out. I don't know if I could just hold on any longer before bursting finally.

Let's start with the first fucking day of the new year. I sprained my ankle to avoid stepping on the puppy. Watched fireworks from my window only which lasted less than 5 blast. Wished happy …

Fishing trip and the wedding ring

Yeah right I proposed to someone while on a fishing trip. Could you believe that? I went off to get a wedding ring and sat next to the grass while fishing and silently took out the wedding ring and........ Hell am I going to propose you may ask? No la. It's not about me getting married which uncles and aunties had been asking me for such a darn long time. For goodness sake, you guys don't believe that I would get married so soon right?

While on a fishing trip(not gonna tell you where I went) I sat next to a teenage boy and his grandfather(or was it his father but he seem too old to be his father lol so we shall keep him as the grandpa for now) fishing together. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. How prices of mee go from several cents to tens of dollars now. How they don't have anything such as computer games. How kids used to spend more time outdoors.

Then the young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and d…

World Peace? Maybe. Double Standards? Definitely Yes

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I am still reading the newspaper this early morning and found that the aggressive armed violence by the Israelites hasn’t even stopped a bit. As the minute pass by, some are hurt, some are killed while some are left there to die from their wounds. Isn’t it cruel to leave someone to lick their wounds?

Paramedics are given certain time to go in to help and help the people but there’s a catch there. There is a timeline for the operation. After the stipulated time, they don’t bloody care if medics, doctors or whoever it is, is inside the zone. They will just resume all those firepower and bombard the hell out of the place. How much people can be helped in such situation? You tell me now. I heard the numbers of doctors crossing the Egyptian border is also limited due to “security reasons”.

What is even crueler is that the situation creates an adverse psychology on the people there. It’s like when you are in the fight with someone more superior. You get bashed down and then that guy allows yo…

Want bigger Breast?

While I was away shopping at this supermarket (No, I am not going to tell you which so you have to guess it yourself. It's in KL anyway), I saw the catalogs and saw that there are fresh chicken going on sale. Being a cook myself, so I go look see what I can get lo. They had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a hot young thing woman was at the counter before I reached there. She seems to be looking at the chickens in and out, holding them top bottom to have a 3D view of the chicken(typically a Malaysian seraching for a husband oops I mean chicken).

However, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher who seems to be a nice guy. "Tak apa! Saya pack baru dan besar punya. Lu balik selepas shopping. Mesti ada" (Nevermind. I'll pack some new and bigger ones for you and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.)

I saw the chickens too but notice they were small so there ain't any …

Fairy Tales and ways to catch criminals

Here's one for those politicians out there since the Terengganu elections is coming.

A little girl once asked her dad, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"


The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
Sounds familiar? Sounds like some government we know right? Where got? Got mea? No mah. Case closed lo.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit ha…

Lost? Ask for direction from an old lady(funny)

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This happens a while ago when I still drive. Me and a bunch of friends are going off town to FRIM(Forest Research Institute Malaysia) for some sample collections. Yes those were the days and now I have a friend working with National Geographic Society. The problem with us is none actually know where the hell is FRIM and we relied on signboards.

Malaysian signboards being Malaysian signboards, they usually lead you to no mans land and my very mistake? Forgetting to get the map of the place which I usually do as I was expecting the driver to know the place. After an hour drive in the kancil going at 50km per hour(imagine how the ride would be like?), we found ourself lost in one of the villages.

Fine. The first sign that we are lost, we being the intelligent ones stopped and asked for directions from one of the stalls. Below is the conversation:-

Me : Kak, Tahu FRIM macam mana nak pergi?(do you know how to go to FRIM)
Kak : Tak tahu.(nope)

Fine then, I just get back into the car and while my…

The tale of how my friend got raped

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Warning/Disclaimer : Explicit/violent materials ahead. This post is rated 13-PG. If you are a minor, please close this unless you are sure you can handle this or if you are sitting next to your parents. To those insomniac, I am not responsible if you read my blog at 3am in the morning and start laughing like a mad lady till your neighbor turns up at your door with a shotgun.

Long long time ago, in a kingdom far far away... *slaps - it's in Malaysia la. In fact it's in KL. Not a fairy tale ok? Ok back to the story liao.

The tale started when we are in a blow water(bragging) session over mamak. One of the guys started talking about getting laid and suddenly..... here's the fun part.

One fella(not gonna name him because he knows where I stay. I don't want to come home to ashes of my burnt house lol) said he went to this wild party organized by a friend of his. Since it's a wild party organized by a guy, you would have expected that there are more girls than blokes. So th…

And then the fight started...

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Ever wondered about those people who spend several tens of dollars on those little bottles of Evian water?

Try spelling Evian backwards. ----> NAIVE

Ok Ok. Back to the topic


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know him? Because he is my old boyfriend'
'I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and …

Plane conversation(funny)

A plane was taking off from KLIA. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number XXXXX, nonstop from Kuala Lumpur to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"

---Total silence---

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Ps if you still don't get the story, click CTRL+A

That idiot pooped in his pants la. I am speechless now....

Grandma Story(funny)

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car you scumbags!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad. Whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, to no avail. And then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad e…

Random Pictures(with comments)

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Turtle picture lo. See all the small turtles on top of the big turtle. See his facial expression la. The second one also like very charm like that. Happen in big companies right? The smallest one kena buli one.

Naughty puppy in action. Dunno he looking what also.

Cute bo? Wanna use his picture need to give me royalty one. Hey the dog feed also expensive le.

Another one. Remember give me royalty when you copy ok? I know who you are.

Another cute one

Sleepy dog. Notice 1 eye is always open?

Should name him sneaky dog liao

Apa pandang? Give me food la.

Wei ah. Hungry liao. I want food

Sunrise at my working place.

Proven I am always early to work.

The color is calming

Actually it's quite cooling when you are at the balcony

What time better than having coffee in front of this scenery?

And bread too. This had been my lunch for the past week. See la. Pokai liao due to recession

My unbroken high score? Want to challenge? Go Midvalley Jusco after work.

New year resolution

1. Stop reading blogs when I am hungry

2. Stop reading blogs when I am hungry!

3. Stop reading blogs when I am hungry!!

4. Stop reading blogs when I am hungry when I know there will be photos of food!!!

Funny sighting

A woman walking near a bus stop and suddenly yelled:- "Oh! Shit!"
Then a guy near him says "Yes, you are right there. It's shit that you stepped on"
The other people at the bus stop laughed till their stomach burst and we have another session of happy tree friends.

Happy New Year guys

Ps. It's a sad new year for me because I just twisted my ankle. Sigh. And some shit just happened...
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