Tuesday, January 6, 2009

And then the fight started...

Ever wondered about those people who spend several tens of dollars on those little bottles of Evian water?

Try spelling Evian backwards. ----> NAIVE

Ok Ok. Back to the topic


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know him? Because he is my old boyfriend'
'I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

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I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'(Snow White's dwarfs)
And then the fight started.....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
And then the fight started.....

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....

###############################################
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started....

###############################################
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.....

###############################################
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
And then the fight started....

###############################################
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started...

###############################################
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...

###############################################
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And then the fight started ...

###############################################
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something
more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I
watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was
gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral to this story : Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right, and the other is the husband.


Ps. The above are all copied and not work of mine. Just find them funny.

7 comments:

Myhorng said...

good to stay single then.

Kellaw said...

Myhorng you single? Then I intro some desperate ones to you. Hahaha. See I know life is long and suffering so I am here to help you shorten that suffering. Wuahahaha

foongpc said...

haha! very funny!!

Guat Im said...

I was in the internet cafe when I was reading this. And I did shocked some people when I was laughing out loud.

Kellaw said...

Sure they are wondering what's wrong with you lol. I don't blame you. Some woke their neighbours at 3pm at night reading my posts.

Myhorng said...

so kind of you but no thank you to the desperate 1. i love to have longer life.

Kellaw said...

You will live longer la. research says so. married people does live longer but then again, you would wish you die early. hahahaha

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