Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The four basic types of chain letters
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish please!!!
Really, go on and make one now la!!!
Oh please,she/he'll never go out with you so stop dreaming!!!
wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of poo. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! I put a curse on this email and it's transferred to you.
Really!!! Here's how it goes.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them this stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them this stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them this stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
you are safe from my curse...
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. First of all, you see, there is a starving little boy in HellKnowsWhereTheFuckIsThisPlace who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie(half half?). This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from HellKnowsWhereTheFuckIsThisPlace Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1437. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many bitchy little 8 years old writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes. Yes you have to handwrite them before the existence of emails or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Half half was walking home from school on Saturday. He+she had recently received this letter and ignored it. He+she then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poo, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did he+she smell nasty, he+she died.his Could Happen To You Too If You Don't Send This Out Immediately!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Mr Tai Gam, a 13 year old eunuch, got a chain letter in his mail from the emperor of China and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a bull cart and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too If You Don't Send This Out Immediately!!!
Remember, you could end up like Tai Gam and Half Half did. Or you could be even worse and lose your willie like letter 2. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok(you get to keep your willie too).
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
* A friend is someone who is always at your side,(and stabs you at the back so you can use the knive later to cut the apple)
* A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,(make friends with those guys who work in an oxidation pond la)
* A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,(because they are not much different from you)
* A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,(that pretty little nurse in the hospital when you are paralysed after my car "accidentally" run you down for not forwarding this)
* A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,(get a teddy for goodness sake)
* A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
* A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English. No! Sorry, that's the cleaning lady,
* A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he wants his wish of his crush sucking his willie to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep or better still cut your willie if you have one!!
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
If you lose your willie or get run on by my car, it's not my fault ok? It's just coincidence.
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from HellKnowsWhereTheFuckIsThisPlace) or nervous (i.e. Half Half who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"
If I ever get this back from you guys in my email, I swear I don't know about the flower pot that would land on your head soon. Ok Have a good day now.
Will you follow me? Follow me wherever I may go?
Like my blog? Can't get enough of my good reads? Follow this blog then(see left side bar and click "Follow this blog" or you can always link me up from your site/blog.
Code for linking: -
<a href="http://kellaw.net/"> Kellaw's Funny Reads Site</a>
It's as simple as copy and pasting it on your blog.