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Showing posts from February, 2009

How to answer when you are fed up

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As some of you know, I am at Penang the past few days and haven't been getting any good rest since my arrival. I had been really busy that I didn't even have the time to blog here. Getting less than 4 hours of sleep daily to those who may know me would know that I would turn grumpy easily. Heck you don't want to disturb me when I am grumpy. Yes the worse is I will turn green and tell you "You don't want to make me angry!" like below.


So there was this guy asking me something while I was overloaded with stress rushing my report. Below is the conversation between us.

Guy : Hey, you know fastest way go to hospital anot?
Me : Just walk straight from here and turn right at the first junction. Walk straight till you see the hospital.
Guy : Far anot?
Me : 30 minutes walk
Guy : Har!!! So far ar?
Me : Take taxi lo
Guy : Taxi so expensive lea
Me : ...Take a bus lo(Getting fed up and the temperature of my head is approaching boiling point)
Guy : Bus have to wait very long and may…

Better to be twins? Read on

Identical twins escape death penalty

KUALA LUMPUR: A pair of identical twins was acquitted and discharged by the High Court here Friday of drug trafficking because of difficulty in identifying which of the two was in possession of the drugs five years ago.

Justice Zaharah Ibrahim, who described the case as unique, said that although R. Sathis Raj and R. Sabarish Raj, 27, looked alike and had identical DNA, which made it difficult to differentiate between them, there was no doubt that one of them was the culprit.

”My job, as required by the law, is to determine whether the prosecution has succeeded in establishing a prima facie against the two accused. In this case, both are identical twins.

”Arresting officer Chief Inspector N. Sekaran, when identifying the first twin, was sceptical, but when asked by counsel, said that he needed some time and yet was still not so sure when identifying the first twin.

”A member in the arresting team, Kpl Mohamad Sidek Paiman, at first could not identify, b…

Ten Things Men Know About Women

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1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.
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....
.......
..........
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10. They have breasts.(or ...you should know what I am going to say here)


Wuahahaha! Sorry guys. I know this is a lame and short one but I just came back from Pangkor and I am dead tired. Still need to rush my report.

To the CCB who plagiarize from my blog

You know who you are. You can hide in Maple Story but you can't hide for long. Do respect other peoples ideas ok? Come out with your own jokes and not take what I bloody wrote here. I am giving you a final warning. Don't make me go after you and let everyone know that you are a parasite and make you lose face. KNNMCCB!!!

3 Guys and a Cheating Wife

Yes this is another heaven story. Sorry la guys. I got too religiously infected by the Mitch Albom book on The 5 people you meet in heaven.

Three guys died. Yes I mean they died. I always kill them in my writings, don't you guys notice? And the numbers of idiots who dies are always 3 lol. So lets go back to the story then. They finally got to the pearly gates after they got killed by Kellaw(Yes I am ganas. I killed them with my laptop)

St. Peter so kesian them then go to the gates to meet them and said, "I want you guys to know that you guys are forgiven because you're here(after being killed by Kellaw violently. Wuahahaahah!!). Before I could let you guys into Heaven, I have to ask you some questions. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get here in heaven and you have to have a car because Heaven is so big!"

Handsome Peter ask the first guy. Okok. Not handsome Peter. Old Peter then. "How long were you married?"

He answered "24 years."

He a…

GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

An obese 300kg man went to see a doctor with complains of chest pain and was ordered to lose at least 75 kg or risk dying of heart attack. As he wondered how the heck he would ever be able to do it, he came across an advertisement in the newspaper for a "GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM".

"Garenti. Ya light!" he say in disbelieve but being desperate already, he called them up and subscribed the 3-day/10kg weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock on his door and when he answers, a 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes with a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After he is satisfied and done with her, he thinks to himself, "I like the way dis company do bisnes l…

Do ask for favors but know when to stop also la..

Note :- This post is dedicated to 3.8. Moral of the story in the end.

No I am not going to start my story with "Long long time ago in a kingdom far far away" even if it's a fairy tale. So here it is.

There once was this guy that couldn't get laid because he had a 25-inch long you know what! Still don't know? Check inside the pants of your dad or boyfriend or if you are a guy, check your own pants la. Check whether it's still there or not because you seems to have left your brains somewhere. If brains can be left somewhere, that thing also can go missing. Wuahahaha!!!

After being so hungry(not the stomach hungry la for goodness sake), he decides he has to get it shortened. He goes to the local doctor and says, "Loctor, You leally leally leed to help me dis time. No ah lian will ever sleep with me because I hab a 25 inch thing. I leed to get it shorter"

After a few minutes intense examination, the doctor delivers the bad news. "Look man, I'm sorr…

Don't be cruel to birds or attempt to kill them

Three bugger dies and goes to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls in heaven.

He asks "Why? Why me and her for several times"

St. Paul got fed up with his constant nagging and replies "When you were nine, you killed a bird with a stone."

The same happens to the second guy. He asks why too.

St. Paul then replies "When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone too."

The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that or else I would be stuck like you guys.''

He is actually handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven.

The other two guys just couldn't get it so they ask "Why? Why he gets the prettiest girl around?"

St. Paul replies "That is because when she was nine, she killed a bird with a stone."

Can't get the joke? Click CTRL + A(select all)

That is because the guy is the ugliest guy around la. -_-" swt!!!

Moral of the story? Don't be too happ…

Rabbits

The following actually happen in an interview for a position of an assistant accountant. The first interview the potential candidates is an aptitude test which tests the candidate's ability to do simple maths. So there was this candidate named Sandy(name changed though I feel like naming her Sadny).

Interviewer : If hor, I gib you two lebits hor, then two lebits hor, and another two lebits. How many lebits have you got?
Sandy : Sehben!(seven)
Interviewer : No no no, listen carefully lar. If hor, I gib you two lebits hor, then two lebits hor, and another two lebits. How many lebits have you got?
Sandy : Sehben lok. Sehben!!!! How many times you want me say Sehben?
Interviewer : Ok Ok Ok. Let's try dis in another way. If hor, I gib you two bottle of beer, then two bottle of beer again then another two bottle of beer, how many bottle of beer you got?
Sandy : Six bottle lo. So easy nia.
Interviewer : Good! Now, if hor, I gib you two lebits hor, then two lebits hor, and another two lebits…

Pants on fire while it's down

I was at my friends place some time ago and he is one who always bragged about how many girlfriends he has outside. Oh. By the way he has is married. We were having tea at his place because of some "business" proposals to settle. He was seating quietly reading his morning paper drinking coffee with me. Suddenly, his wife came from behind with a frying pan and almost knocked him senseless then and there.

Friend : What was that for? You know pain one anot?

Wife : Why do you have a piece of paper in your coat pocket with "Daisy" written on it?

Friend : Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago before the Chinese New Year when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on.

His wife was satisfied with his answer and apologized for wacking him.

This morning I went to his place and the same thing happened. The wife came with a frying pan also and wacked him so hard on his head that he can barely stand up after that.

Friend : What is this for this time…

Medical Farking Problem & A Unique Patient

My friend who works as a doctor at the hospital told me about this "unique" patient the other day. The conversation was something like the below.

My friend : What seems to be the problem with you young man?

Patient : Doc, I've got this farking farting problem. I mean I fark fart all the time.

My friend(nods) : Hmm....

Patient : Then hor, my farts don't stink and you can't hear them one le. It's just that I fart all the time non stop one. Look, we talk so long liao here for about 10 minutes and I fart five times liao. You didn't hear or smell them right doc?

My friend : Hmm....(then picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.)

Patient(looking excited) : Wah you very panai le doc. No need check me already know what's wrong with me. You write there the medicine will it really solve my fart problem ah?

My friend : No, this prescription is for medicine to clear your sinuses problem. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test also. Here(hands the presc…

Strange Dream....Again(déjà vu)

I am supposed to post this up earlier but sadly my sickness had gone from bad to worse. Now I am having the combination of flu, cough, chronic sore throat and fever. What else can go worse than the extent of coughing whole night and I can't bloody sleep? Like I said. Since the starting of the year till now, life had been tough for me. Sigh. Never mind, lets go straight to the point of the title.

Last night I didn't really sleep much but had the opportunity to dream a real short dream. I woke up and started recalling what I actually dreamed from start to end. It started where there were sports playing people around me and then I am like one of the higher rank guy around there. I saw a woman or a girl(can't be sure as I am thinking from the other side of my brain memory which is inaccessible to my brain when I am sober) getting a pile of metal windows and panes. She asked me to help saying "they(I don't know the they are referring to who actually) might be coming soo…

What happens when your pastor hates you

This is a real life story told by my friend to me a while ago that happened in one of the western country.

He has a friend who was named Paul(name changed) who had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, in a near death condition waiting for his time. The family called their pastor to stand with them.

As the pastor stood next to the bed, Paul's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Paul used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Paul had died.

He said, "You know? Old Paul handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Paul, I'm sure there's a word of in…

Software Development Process

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I came across this from my programmer friend. I guess the whole thing is true because it happens right here in my office.


1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team
2) Announce availability
3) Write the code
4) Write the manual
5) Hire a Product Manager
6) Spec the software (Writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications)
7) Ship
8) Test (The customers are a big help here. Doesn't this sound like one of the big company which produce the software you are using right now?)
9) Identify bugs as potential enhancements
10) Announce the upgrade program (sounds familiar like Microsoft right?)

I think this one is true for big companies but with the addition that they fire the old manager and rehire new ones after each cycle.


Ok This just came in from a friend who read this post the moment I post this up. Thanks Mike for sharing

"2 hours of broadband to ftp the Linux package, 15 cents.

CD's to burn the files, RM 1.

The knowledge that nothing on you…
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