Sunday, May 31, 2009

Happy couple's weddings, anyone?

Well yesterday was the first time I wrapped a wedding gift for someone. Yes, I don't usually do this but well, it looks ok right?



Not bad la for someone who doesn't wrap gifts. Hahaha. Okok now don't you guys come running after me for your wedding gifts to be wrapped ok? Trust me when I say you couldn't afford my service now that I am still busy preparing my assignments and finals. Anyway the following video is dedicated to the newly weds. Listen to it and look at the video. It's meaningful.



Talking about marriages, ever have those old aunties asking you when are you getting married or something of that sorts? Do you find the question buggy and it's like a fly hovering all around you? This gets worse when the newly weds is of the same age as you. You would be put into pressure of answering that question.

My standard answer? "Auntie, I am still studying la. Not thinking of getting someone pregnant so I can carry my child for my finals!". Yet time in time out, they will still ask you when is your turn. Ok! Fine! I got a good solution to that problem but please use at your own risk and don't use on those weak hearted ones.

Solution :- Go to funerals when those aunties will definitely attend. Then go up to them and poke them asking "Auntie ah! When is your turn?" Remember usage of this phrase is solely to your own discretion and I am not to be blamed for anything that happens if you use this phrase on anyone ok?

Ok I will put up the lyrics to the video here.

"Joanna Wang - Times Of Your Life"
Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it's hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember?

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you've seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life? (do you remember?)

Reach out for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The mem'ries are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

Here comes the setting sun (the setting sun)
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life?

Gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life?

Of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life?

FADE

Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life?

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Rules of survival?

Warning! This post may be offensive to some people. Read at your own risk.

A friend asked me this question over msn. I didn't give it much of a thinking when I am so bloody busy with my assignment and now when I am done with the first of the series of assignment in the next coming 2 weeks, I started to remember his question. So now that I have remembered, I started to give it a thought.

Say you are on this island stuck with an ugly fat lady. Okok! I know you guys are sensitive to the word "FAT". SO lets just assume she is fat fleshy ok? So you are one guy who can get all the girls you want in the city but too bad, now you are in the island stuck with miss fleshy. To make matters worse, there is nothing edible or drinkable save for the salty sea water on the island and the next time someone is going to pass by that place in say 2 months.

Then the lady came with an offer, do her everytime you need food. Hey even a fat lady has needs ok? Still normal human right? Have emotions and needs right? Nola. The food is not her milk la for goodness sake. =_=" swt! Say she has a supply of clean water and say food to keep you alive. Would you do her in order to survive or would you rather die of hunger and thirst. So guys give it a thought and leave me an answer.


When you are bloody stressed with work, this is how all girls look like to you. Yes even the prettiest girls will look the same to those who are stressed. Now you know why sex life is below average for our neighbours?


Anyway, it's impressive how brains wander when people are under stress. One good example is the fella who asked me the question. He has like 2 assignments due next week and both are research papers. Good luck lol.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

132 silly things done? With a twist of course Part 5

Ok someone bugged me about posting the continuation of this. Okok! No more bugging already. I will post. The comments here needs some thinking actually and I am busy with my life right now. So I don't know where the next part would be out. Anyway if you are new here, read Part1, Part2, Part3 and Part4 first.

Level 17
Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't(i wouldn't blog! oops I just did)
Made a Prank Phone Call("hello. handsome you need ah gua service anot?". You better hang up when the guy on the other end says yes)
Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose(after you got punched and ribena starts flowing out. good also ma. can make more ribena drink)
Kissed In The Rain(listen to the piano music count?)

Level 18
Written A Letter To Santa Claus(you mean the one that raba kids in supermarket?)
Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About(why must be sun again? can't be moon mea?)
Blown Bubbles(with saliva and always fail? or put soap into mouth and start blowing?)
Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere(and burn your house down? or worse still the whole forest. I am a scout for goodness sake. of course I did)

Level 19
Crashed A Party(with a car is it? or better still a bulldozer?)
Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People(how about a full day with a car with 5 people? try that with a kancil with all XXXL sized people. Kancil pancit lol)
Gone Rollerskating / Blading(gone blading? You mean kill each other with a knife?)
Had A Wish Come True(i wish i can finish this sentence. see I just had one)
Been Humped By Any Animal(you mean raped by an animal. human also animal right? No? Mammals wo. No meh?)

Level 20
Worn Pearls(does the one pierced on your body count?)
Jumped Off A Bridge(which bridge? The one you made with lego blocks?)
Swore at the teacher, in front of them(you mean scold them right in their face? I don't see why not. I call that constructive confrontation lol. Constructive as in you learn new badwords in different languages)
Swam With Dolphins(dolphins can only swim right? cant walk right? so swimming in a pool while a dolphin is swimming in the sea 1000miles away is still consider swimming with dolphins right? Hey they still swim at the same time ok?)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Exam cheaters get owned

One of my group mate had a bad hungover and was unable to come to class today. That fella practically got wasted after the drinking session which ended at 3 in the morning with him barely able to stand what more walk. He has to be dragged all the way home. Anyway it reminds me of this joke which 3 idiots partied whole night before their test.

They were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan and yes it's a genius one. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

Then they went up to the exam invigilator and said that they had gone to an out of town wedding last night and on their return journey, one of the tyre of their car burst and they had to push
the car all the way back so they were in no condition to appear for the test. Yes there are some provisions for people who couldn't attend exams for the "most outstanding reasons" a.k.a valid reasons which makes you unfit or is at a condition where it's disadvantage for you.

The invigilator was a just person so he said that they can have a retest after three days.

After 3 days they said they were ready for the exam and they appeared before the invigilator. The invigilator said that as this was a special condition all of them were required to be in separate rooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test only consisted of two question with a total of 100 marks.

Want to know how the exam papers look like?



Q1. Write down your Names. (2 marks)

Q2. Which tyre burst ? (98 marks)



Moral of the story? Don't get wasted when you go partying at night and make sure you are able to get to work/class the next morning.

Dedicated to the drunkard who couldn't get to class today

Monday, May 18, 2009

I am officially FUCKED!!!

I left home early today due to the lack of rest. Yes I was in the computer lab doing my work and I saved all my assignments in my pendrive so I could continue my work at home. I always remember to unplug my pendrive whenever I leave the workstations. Now guess what happened?

Let the picture do the talking.
Notice something wrong? No right? That's why I didn't notice either.

Now have a closer look.
See it already? Just in case you are dumb enough, the whole pendrive with the chip is gone left/stuck at the workstation while I only took the cover home. Die. All my assignments are in there and this Fri would be the dateline of one of them. I really don't know what to do now. Sigh. Would the kind soul who manage to see my pendrive please return it to me or at least don't take it ok? else I am screwed big time. Yes I am already scared shit right now. Imagine months of work gone just like that in a snap.

This is a time for facepalm....

Moral of the story? Don't use cheap China made pendrive, always backup in more than 1 pendrive and check the holes properly before leaving. (not the other holes la you pervert!)

Datelines

So you guys know what the heck I am doing behind the scenes before you guys start complaining that I didn't update this blog.

My msn status!
Kellaw: Kellaw.blogspot.com...Ass..SIGH...ment!! Duedates - 22, 29 May & 5, 8, 9, 10 June. Presentation 10 June

Self explanatory ain't it?

Anyway thanks guys for the support. I have seen an increase of female readers thanks to a few friends. Please help me promote more laughter to your friends yeah? My old entries are funny if you haven't read them yet. I hope I can at least write an article by tomorrow so you guys don't get so bored ok?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sleep deprived

Yes I am tired but yet I couldn't sleep at all. This is one of those times which I wish I could empty several dozens of whole magazine of bullets on the scoreboard. I will not be updating my blog for some time after this as I would be busy but please do bear with me. I am already having an average of 3 hours of sleep daily. You don't want me dead do you?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How to become RICH

I am sure everyone wants to get rich at one point of their life. Yes I am sure it's a dream everyone dreamt of. Even the beggar on the streets does hope that he or she would be rich one day and no longer need to suffer the life they are in. We are not much of a difference here. You want to know the secret to become rich?

Okla. Before that, I know it's my fault that I didn't update for such a long time. Sorry lo. Many things happened during the duration that I am away. My laptop charger died followed by my battery. Things went worse from there. Anyway someone some panda wearing specs blowed(chui in cantonese) to update liao. Have to lo. Else all my readers run liao how right? Then I no money to makan roti liao. This has to be a short one because I have no ideas because my head is full of other things which gave me frequent migrains and sleepless nights. So here it is, the secret to become rich and yes I had to start with a story.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was in 1932 during the depth of the Great Depression when I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple and I spent the entire day polishing the apple. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested the ten cents in two apples and I spent the entire day polishing them. I then sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month and by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of a few hundred dollars."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars!"

Moral of the story : Marry a rich wife/husband if you want to become rich. I know how you feel now. Like this right?

or this?

or this

Well I found that there is this kit specially made for this purpose below. It helps me to keep my brain away from all those thing in my head for some time. It's not a permanent solution but at least it helps. Be warned that prolonged usage of this kit might cause permanent damage. So use at your own discretion. You can click to enlarge and print this for your own use or you might want to help your boss who is reading this same message from over your shoulders at your back now.

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