Sunday, November 1, 2009

Imagine you hear this while you are on the plane. This is a must read!

This blog idea is stuck in my head for the past whole day after the train ride where announcements are made frequently over the loudspeaker and the noisy neighbors at 2.30 in the morning gave me the headache which made this idea stuck so I decided to blog about this. Imagine you are on the plane when you hear this:-



"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking welcoming you on board our airline. We apologize for the 4 days delay in taking off owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in the Bar.

This is Flight 123 to the US. Landing in US is not a guarantee but we will end up somewhere in the west. And if Lady Luck is with us, we may even be landing on your village farm.

Our airline has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us. It is with pleasure that I announce that starting this year, over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination safe or otherwise. For those that did't quite make it, our airline staffs have all the requisite experience for consoling their next of kin. Our front desk will be happy to brief your next of kin on our "out of court settlement".

If our engines are too noisy for you, on your request, we could arrange for them to be turned off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable we serve complimentary tea and biscuits. For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! So do enjoy the journey to god fully.

We also regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we had forgotten to record it from the television last night but for our movie buffs we will be flying right next to another airline's aircraft so the movie will be visible from the right side of your window.

This plane is a strictly no smoking plane so should you see any smoke in the cabin, don't panic. it is just our early warning system on the engines, telling us to slow down!

Life jackets are positioned under the seats. Free bathing costumes are available to the aunties and swimming shorts for the uncles to cater for the emergency jumps. In order to catch important land marks, we try to fly as close as possible to the ground for the best view. If however you would like to have a closer look, do not hesitate to let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilots sometimes flies right through the landmark just to fulfill passengers requests.

Kindly be seated and keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your seat belts. For those of you who cannot find a seat belt, fasten your own belt to the arm of your chair and for those of you who cannot find a seat do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant to get your suitcase.

No that is not it. This is the killer!

Lastly, sorry!! But I won't be flying with you all today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. Thank you for choosing our airline. Have a pleasant journey."

Hope you guys enjoyed this bloody long post of mine. This post is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes and doesn't in reality or otherwise has anything to do with any of the airlines.

13 comments:

reanaclaire said...

i dread sitting on a plane actually.. but if i dont, then i cant go places, right? so.. just board it and say prayer till i reach.. hahhaa...

Kellaw said...

reana - need anot? i just rest and have lots of food from the plane. usually i will have double servings. its already paid for. so why not?

chris_lim said...

Lol this is good. Hopefully my flight nex february won't be something close to this.

Kellaw said...

chris - there is always the swim suit there. lol

CY said...

Haha. Good one man. Running on auto pilot. Auto recorder. Hope stewardess not auto mode also. CY from Ipoh now in Bangkok.

Kellaw said...

cy - stewardess also auto. good leh?

foongpc said...

Haha! This is nice! I will help myself at the cockpit and try to fly the plane! If can hit one of those landmarks that'll be a bonus! : )

aries_gal said...

hi there... i support ICRC too..heheh

Kellaw said...

aries - good to hear that. thanks

renaye said...

it's a cool message from the captain.
in fact, i have heard a similar one.

it was during one of my last days in nz, and the captain of the NZ Air was informing the audience not to tell him about the rugby match score because he missed watching him because he was on duty the day before flying us.. so don't tell him the score!! h

he was such a typical maori guy. he sent all passengers laughing and it made my day.

i would love this kind of announcement than the typical ones... so no personal touch.

Kellaw said...

renaye - nice lo you have that kind of pilot. hahahaah

housewife9988 said...

i have enuf of those up n down in a focker... plane.. scary...

Kellaw said...

lol. shit happens

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