Sunday, November 1, 2009
Imagine you hear this while you are on the plane. This is a must read!
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking welcoming you on board our airline. We apologize for the 4 days delay in taking off owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in the Bar.
This is Flight 123 to the US. Landing in US is not a guarantee but we will end up somewhere in the west. And if Lady Luck is with us, we may even be landing on your village farm.
Our airline has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us. It is with pleasure that I announce that starting this year, over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination safe or otherwise. For those that did't quite make it, our airline staffs have all the requisite experience for consoling their next of kin. Our front desk will be happy to brief your next of kin on our "out of court settlement".
If our engines are too noisy for you, on your request, we could arrange for them to be turned off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable we serve complimentary tea and biscuits. For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! So do enjoy the journey to god fully.
We also regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we had forgotten to record it from the television last night but for our movie buffs we will be flying right next to another airline's aircraft so the movie will be visible from the right side of your window.
This plane is a strictly no smoking plane so should you see any smoke in the cabin, don't panic. it is just our early warning system on the engines, telling us to slow down!
Life jackets are positioned under the seats. Free bathing costumes are available to the aunties and swimming shorts for the uncles to cater for the emergency jumps. In order to catch important land marks, we try to fly as close as possible to the ground for the best view. If however you would like to have a closer look, do not hesitate to let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilots sometimes flies right through the landmark just to fulfill passengers requests.
Kindly be seated and keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your seat belts. For those of you who cannot find a seat belt, fasten your own belt to the arm of your chair and for those of you who cannot find a seat do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant to get your suitcase.
No that is not it. This is the killer!
Lastly, sorry!! But I won't be flying with you all today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. Thank you for choosing our airline. Have a pleasant journey."
Hope you guys enjoyed this bloody long post of mine. This post is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes and doesn't in reality or otherwise has anything to do with any of the airlines.
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